Morning Meditation - Not everything is about me!

Today I watched a fraternity of dancers, each group taking turns. I thought about how "for everything there is a season" and how that relates to "taking turns" and wondered what does this have to do with me?

One of the dancers stopped and smiled at me, so I asked him what this had to do with me.

He said, "Not everything is about you."

So true!

~what's this?

Morning Meditation - Between Earth and Sky

Back to the Snake Dancers again. This time, a Walpi Snake Priest, dressed for the Antelope dance, explained to me about the Eagle feathers and the cornmeal, both of which are used to control and contain the snakes.

The Eagle feathers represent the sky, the cornmeal represents the earth. And between the earth and the sky is a balance which holds the snake energy.

~what's this?

Morning Meditation - A Planning Session

Friday Aug 15

Today I found Medicine Crow - we sat in a cave together with firelight flickering, and in the sand were lines and circles, and I saw that this was a sort of war party planning session.

He said to me, "You still have a string to that wagon attached to you. First thing is to get that cut." He handed me a big pair of garden shears.

Then he drew in the sand a line leading to a circle. Inside the circle was a map. On the line he drew a symbol representing shears cutting it.

So I said, "OK, and then what?"

He said, "Then what? You know where you're going."

And I thought about a better diet, and I thought about my mob, I thought about the Way of the Shaman and I saw the woods and the valleys and the bright city beyond.... I said, "There." (meaning that journey)

He smiled and leaned back, obviously pleased with the answer, and I'm like... OK? so now what? And he showed me images of me making snares, carving a walking stick, carrying a knife, and matches.

I said, "So, I'll need tools!"

He smiled again, another right answer.

"OK, and then?" I asked. Thinking that since this was us planning a war party, my mind went to the "war" place... war on who? what? where are we going to "make our enemies cry"? Do I really even have enemies? Is war really what we're preparing for?

He said, "Life is a war, a battle, a struggle, and a dance. It's deadly serious for everyone, even this ant." He showed me an ant crawling on his finger. "Now, if he doesn't please me, if I want to, I can crush him right now."


I thought about "The Gods," I thought about how it does seem important to have them on your side, about the relentless force of nature, and how important it is to find benevolence there....

Then, (still talking about the ant, which is now crawling on his arm) he said, "I could help him, I could put him down right here and he could scurry home. Or, I could give him a journey and a vision." He got up and walked out of the cave, several hundred yards away, and put the ant on a leaf high in a tree. "Now he's got a quest," he laughed. "Finding his way home won't be easy from there."

So that was interesting... do the "Gods" act in this way? The Greeks thought so, I wondered about it for a small space of time.. Are there layers within layers? And if so, where do we fit into that grand scheme?

And then we were back in the cave. In retrospect I think maybe I am that ant, high in that unexpected place, wondering and working on how to get "home."

But we were now back at the task at hand, the circle in the sand. I said, "So where am I going? And is there a map?"

He said, "That's for you to figure out. Dream it and a map will come."

Once more we went over the plan.

Cut the string, Saturday is a full moon and an eclipse. So by Sunday night it might be good to have it done. I could work hard and long, and I could get it done. (By "it" I'm thinking closing the blogs in a formal way.)

Then, assemble and create tools. Dream the dream that will provide the map, and head out with my allies (Red Hawk, Crazy Thunder, and Holy Skin).

Interesting....

~what's this?

Morning Meditation - The Cradleboard

Today was so difficult. I turned to a Flathead mother and her baby. The baby was swaddled into a cradle board that was just beautiful, and at first glance, all I could see was that magnificent baby carrier.

Then I saw the woman, she was decked out in what I'm sure was her finest clothes. She was not new at motherhood and had an air of pride and confidence. Proud mostly, I thought, of the cradle board. That's when I saw there was a baby in it, a very unhappy baby.

It seemed to me that he was feeling cramped and constrained, that he wanted to fling out his arms and kick his feet. I bent down and touched his cheek, and he quit yelling for a moment and smiled at me. I wished his hands were out so that he could grab my finger.

And with that thought, I found myself almost immediately standing in judgment of the mother. Feeling accusatory, and saying to her something to the effect of, "What's more important? The cradle board or the baby?"

And she said, "He's a fine lusty boy. It's good that he has his say."

I kept popping in and out of the meditation, really wanting to get that baby out and let him do some moving around. And even though I knew that she did get him out and he was well loved and well cared for, even though I knew she was an experienced mother, this was the custom, and there were excellent reasons for it... I was still agitating to get that baby out and let him play.

She said, "There is a time and a place for everything. In this time and in this place he stays where he is."

I fussed some more, tried to get into a place of peace with it - didn't succeed. I finally had to just leave it at that, and it felt supremely unsatisfying.

In retrospect, now that I'm writing about it, I can see how antsy I am to get "the baby" out and how well this relates to how I'm feeling (I as the child) about my spiritual journey. It's like, for my own good, I'm swaddled and contained while I learn to speak my truth and be still. And I'd like very much to stretch my legs and get a move on, but the time isn't right. And in the mean time, I'm well loved and in the capable hands of an experienced "mother."

So - that's that!

~what's this?

Morning Meditation - Prayer Sticks Again

I turned to the guy putting prayer sticks by a pool of water. I've visited with him before (here's the link).

When he got done placing the stick, he stood up, dusted his hands off, and looked at me. "There, that's done," he said.

And I wondered what this whole prayer stick thing has to do with me. I mean, it's all fine and good that he does (or did) this, but in this now moment, what's the lesson for me? What's the message, the truth for me to take out into my day?

So I asked him.

And he said, "Well, maybe it would be good if you did this too."

I said, "OK, so where do I put them?" I thought about my cottonwood tree, and the other larger one that seems to hold energy as well - between the two of them, I think there's a balance of masculine and feminine. So, OK, both trees and then there's Our Lady of the Pond... and how about the place where the King of the Field Faeries came to watch me dance to release blocked energy....

Then, I didn't want anyone to feel "left out" so I started thinking of all the other trees and places on my property... I said to him, "So, just how many prayer sticks do you think I should make?"

He said, "Well, one for each of the Spirits of the place."

I said, "You mean every tree? Every nook and cranny that is sacred and special to me?"

He laughed and said. "Don't put them everywhere, that would be crazy making!"

So, I'm settled on making four - which seems a balanced number.

~what's this?

Morning Meditation - A Wishham Bride

This morning I met a beautiful girl - a Wishham Bride decked out in her finest things.

Very beautiful girl, she twirled around to show me all her finery. She was excited and happy about getting married. When I opened to her picture, my first thought was, "Well it's a done deal now - weddings mean vows and promises and life changes and commitment."

I attempted to get a sense of who she was marrying, and an idea of where her life was headed. I was particularly interested because I have no clear idea of what it is that I have committed to and no rational clear cut goal. All I have is a blessing, a path, and some guides. I don't know what that jeweled city represents or where it lies in the "real" world.

So... I was really hoping that she'd give me some insight about that - about "what does this commitment mean" and so that's one of the main reasons I was curious about and asking about her soon to be husband and the direction her life was taking.

All that she said was, "He's a good man." And then she was back showing me her dress and her jewelry.

So, that was fun. Her happiness was infectious. Then she said, "This is not about what my life will be like. And it's not about where your life is going. This is not about the future. This is about enjoying this moment."

(About finding joy in the now - is what came to me later when I was thinking about it, but that's not what she actually said. She said, "This is about enjoying this moment.")

~what's this?

Morning Meditation - Letting Go

So... I'm wiffle waffling and angsting over the blogs - the picture blogs in particular - but they do seem to be tangled up with the others as well.

When I did my morning meditation I asked specifically if I could get some insight into what to do about them.

I turned to Tsatsalatksa - a strong, beautiful, Skokomish woman. She wouldn't make direct eye contact with me. She kept looking over my head off into the distance. As I merged into the picture I found myself standing with her on a road at the top of a hill.

In the "dream" I was a child, she the mother. I was looking backward, she was looking forward. Gently, she reached down and with her hands on my shoulders, she turned me around.

Far on the horizon was a beautiful city. She said, "Do you see that?" And I knew that was where we were headed. We started walking and trailing behind me was a wagon piled high with my various stuff.

I thought to myself, this is too apt, too symbolic, I must be making it up. So I tried to forget about the stuff, to NOT see it, to NOT imagine it, but still the wagon full of stuff persisted. So finally, I gave in and accepted that it was there for a reason and a purpose.

The woman looked down at me and said, "Let it go." and I said, "But I need it." and she said, "Let it go." and I said, "But I need it." and she said, "Let it go." and I said, "But I want it."

She was very patient. The dialogue continued. She would say, "Let it go." And I would say, "But I like it." "But what if I need it." "But what if it comes in handy later?" "But what about other people who like it." "But I love it." "But it's fun and interesting." "But... But.... But..."

And to each "But.." She would reply, "Let it go."

Finally, she reached down and unclenched my fingers from the handle of the wagon. The whole time, I'm saying, "But... But..."

And even when I wasn't hanging on to the wagon any more, the stuff was still following us, attached by a string that I was holding in my pocket.

She said, "Really, you must let it go."

And I did try, but I just couldn't seem to cut myself off from it. So she stopped and pointed at the beautiful city on the horizon, glowing and shimmering with golden light. "That's where we are going, you need to let this other go."

She pointed down the hill, and I saw before us valleys and forests, cliffs and dangerous territory. I knew that if I tried to drag my noisy, bulky, heavy wagon through all that - we would surely fail. Maybe even die.

That journey looked exciting, and interesting, adventuresome and dangerous. I let go of the string and the wagon. It felt so scary and vulnerable to do that.

We started off again. "But wait," I said. "I need some stuff. I need to get some stuff out of it to take with us." She didn't let go of my hand so that I could run back and rifle through the wagon.

She smiled and said, "What do you have in your pockets?" And suddenly they were bulging with stuff.

The first thing I pulled out was a whistle. "You can take this," she said, "it might come in handy." I had a small flash of being in a dark scary forest, playing the whistle and finding courage, maybe even faeries.

She insisted that I empty my pockets. So much stuff - a candle, knives, sticks, gum, lots of stuff.

The only thing she let me keep was the whistle. I felt very naked as we turned and began to walk down the hill.

NOTE: I'm thinking that whistle is this one little blog.

~what's this?

Morning Meditation - Prayer Sticks

Today, I happened onto a person placing a prayer stick next to a clear spring.

I thought about that for a while, how good it is to honor not just the sacred places, but the beautiful and useful ones as well. I said something to him about that, and he said, "It's what we do." and the way he said it was so matter of fact, it was like a "given" - almost like a "so what." He seemed a little taken aback that this isn't something I (we) do routinely in this time and culture.

I was trying to find some meaning, some significance to it, my intellect was working over time, and I found it hard to relax into the moment and just "be" there.

He looked at me and said, "Maybe you should do this too."And, of course now my mind is off and running, designing prayer sticks, making up all sorts of rules and regulations about where, when, why, and how to use them. Pretty soon I had an eBay store up and running... LOL. The snake racers were having a hey day!!

So, I don't know, maybe I could make one... paint a snake on it... I don't know. Maybe the message is more simple, like... pay attention and be respectful of everything.

~what's this?

Morning Meditation - Flying Free

Today I had a short visit with a Hopi girl all dressed up to get married. She looked almost smothered in her clothes. She said, "Yes, but in the privacy of my hut I will shed these clothes, I will be naked and real, I will bear children, and I will live my life."

And I had this visual image that's a little hard to describe. It was like the clothes were tent shaped and I could see her flying up and out of the top of that tent, like a butterfly almost.

Then my intellect tried to imagine or "see" her life in context of what I know about the Hopi. When I caught myself doing that, I realized that the visualization of flying free from expectations, regulations, limitations, other baggage... that visualization was as much for me as it was for her. That the extra weight I carry is just as confining and smothering as the ceremonial clothing she was wearing.

~what's this?

Morning Meditation - Through Badlands and Bogs

I overslept, having stayed up late reading (of all things) a romance novel. So, when I went in to do my meditation, I started to ask that my "guidance" be easy and short, simple and clear.

Then I changed my mind - deciding I didn't want to impose those sorts of limits on it. So I explained how I felt, and why, and asked for whatever was best.

I opened the book to three warriors: Red Hawk, Crazy Thunder, and Holy Skin. They said, "We're with you through the badlands and the bogs. We're here."

And that was it.
I'm going to think of a way to incorporate them into my upcoming ceremony to release my energy block.

I wonder if back there in the 1800's if they dreamed or had any intuitive sense that in some distant future time they would be called upon - and if they did, or even if they didn't, I thought they would no doubt be... what's the word... intrigued and interested enough to say "sure, we'll come."

~what's this?

Morning Meditation - Ceremony to Activate and Release

Today I turned again to the Shaman dude wearing the bear skin. The one that told me to feed the ducks. He blew into my third eye and I fully expected something to happen... no that's not true... I wondered if he was opening my third eye and started doubting that it was "real" because I wasn't suddenly having some mega visual experience. (Apparently talking to a long dead Native American shaman and getting "treated" doesn't count as a mega visual experience???)

Anyway, then I felt that he was zipping me open, top to bottom, and sparkles of light flew up from my body. He started dancing wildly on my right side and I knew my intellect was way too fully engaged - I was analysing and second guessing big time.

The right side of my body was fully enlivened and energized. The left side - NOT. I don't know if he said, or I just new that the left side of my body is energetically blocked.

He worked again on my third eye, and I felt it clouding over and kind of running, like it would if a person had a cold or a mild irritation in the eye.

I knew then that my third eye would not be fully open and clear until my left side was properly energized and cleared.

He worked on it some, but my intellect continued to interfere. I asked him what I could do in the "real" in the physical. He said, "The work starts here." (in the energy field), and I said, "I know that, but I'm feeling like I need to take some action in the physical." So he told me to wear something on my left wrist and showed me a "ceremony" for activating my energy and releasing that block on my left side.

It consists of painting my body - left side with white wavy lines and lightning strikes - right side with smoother, colorful rounded forms like waves and swirls, and a third eye painted in white on my forehead. Then, dance - outside - with drums, and fire, and moonlight, by the pond, dancing until something "gives."

I think it's a full moon thing.

I wanted to thank him in a real and concrete way, so I sent Reiki into the past and suddenly when it was done, I clapped my hands, and there was a spark of light, and that was that.

~what's this?

Morning Meditation - Get Clean

Today, I turned to the Ritual Bathing image again. The woman shaman who was bathing, turned to me and very clearly said. "First - clean the body, clean the mind."

And I was thinking first before what? anything? the big things? something dangerous? or important? Or does this simply refer to today?

NOTE: In retrospect, I realize that this may have been referring my new understandings of energy and power that I got the day I got serious and read Caroline Myss. She might even have been referring to my "grandiose scheme."

~what's this?

Morning Meditation - On the Rock

Found myself Sitting on the Rock again. Relaxed and waiting. Relaxed and watching. Relaxed and protectively guarding - being on the look out.

It came to me that:

To be vigilant, to do what is yours to do doesn't require that you be tense or stressed. It can be done from a spirit of relaxation.

~what's this?

Morning Meditation - Getting Serious

I sat down today with Sitting Bear. He fixed me with a vry intense look, and I could see that in his life there had been a lot of heartache and terrible things. And I was sure that his teeth were paining him.

He said to me, "This is serious. Pay attention." At first, I wasn't sure if I was just thinking that he looked serious or what. But he said it again, so I knew that he was telling me to pay attention. I wondered what was serious, but I didn't have time to really sit with it because I had to take my daughter to a Dr appointment and I was already running late.

So, I took that to be my "message for the day" and resolved to take the experiences of the day seriously. I grabbed a book so I'd have something to read while waiting for my daughter, and headed out the door. Interestingly, the book I grabbed was "Anatomy of the Spirit" by Carolyn Myss. I had read it before, but this time, what she had to say really spoke to me. And I took it seriously. So now, I've stepped up and am making some big changes!

~what's this?

Morning Meditation - Dust Devil

This morning, I came across three Navajo people looking off into the distance at a point of interest. They totally ignored me, seemed uninclined to speak, so I tried to catch a glimpse of what it was they were so totally engrossed in.

What I saw was a dirt devil in the distance, which soon became three and then coalesced together to become one big female devil, devouring everything in her path, uprooting trees, causing devastation. Then I said, "Wait a minute here. If that's what they are really looking at, wouldn't they be more freaked out? Less relaxed? Wouldn't they be exhibiting some sort of nervousness or fear?" And I began to totally doubt what I was seeing.

But still the people weren't the least bit interested in talking to me, and when I looked into the distance again, I saw the same thing. Only this time, I kept on watching, and saw that the "dust devil" was putting the trees back into the ground.

Then it occurred to me... just because something off in the distance looks dangerous and scary, that doesn't mean that it is.

~what's this?

Morning Meditation - Salmon Again?

Today, I got the salmon fisherman again. he didn't have anything "new" to say. So I took it to mean that it would be good to take a relaxed but alert attitude with me to my friend Daniel's as I helped him move.

That was the plan, the reality unfolded somewhat differently, and I can't really say that it came anywhere close to a successful salmon spearing expedition.

~what's this?

Morning Meditation - What Happens Happens

Today I came upon a warrior making an offering, a prayer to the Sun. I hesitated to interrupt him, so I just stood there and watched for a while.

Then, quite suddenly, he said, "You make the offering and then you do whatever it is that you do. Better not to second guess after that. And if the Gods smile on you and the offering was good, all will be well. And if the offering was unacceptable, or the Gods don't smile on you, things may be difficult. Most important is that you are doing what you believe is right. Things go well ... not well ... doesn't matter. Make the offering, get centered, do what seems correct and what happens happens.

~what's this?

Morning Meditation - Balance

Met with two girls carrying water, balancing big jars on their heads. I could sense that they would have much rather have been care free, running, laughing, dancing, playing with friends. They were shy, and wouldn't talk to me... not in words... I spent a fair amount of time trying to have some kind of dialogue... here's what I came up with:

It's all about balance.

If you hold yourself still and stand tall, and carry your burdens in a vertical way, they are much easier than if you "shoulder" them or "handle" them or lug them around. I couldn't imagine how they would have been able to carry those large pots full of water if they'd had to carry them the "regular" way. It's like the balance and the centeredness of carrying something on your head... well... there's something there... some metaphysical notion... that I'm not able to verbalize.

~what's this?

Morning Meditation - Take Your Time

I spoke with a wonderful woman today. She was painting a hat. She said. "Of course, if people come to you for help, you should help them. But take your time and be meticulous. No need to rush anything. And when a dream comes or an idea, yes let it flow through you, and express it. Just be sure to pay attention to the details."

Interestingly, this came right on the heels of an idea I had for a kind of "dial a shaman/healer" hot line.

~what's this?

Morning Meditation - Taking Care

A Hupa woman, beautiful and serene in her womanliness, smoothed the hair away from my face, cupped her hand under my chin, and said,

"You must take care of yourself. Take care of yourself first. What happens is you don't have anyone else really to take care of, so you don't stay in your body. You spend too much time in your mind, and the household things, and the care of the body suffers. When you get up, take that time to take care of yourself, save that other for later. Groom the body, feed it properly, take better care and you will have more strength, and more energy. Alone it is harder to do this, so the effort must be made."

~what's this?